How to cope with a break-up while living in France

It is painful enough when your relationship breaks down at home, and even more so when it happens while living abroad. 

You may feel particularly isolated, depressed, and completely lacking in motivation to drag yourself out of it and carry on. 

As an expat, you might not yet have developed strong friendships and roots. You may not have any friends outside of your relationship. One way or another, it is an arduous time and so essential to take action to help yourself as much as possible. 

Self-care is paramount

Whatever the circumstances, your top priority must be to look after yourself. How that manifests itself is for the individual. 

Eat well, try to get as much rest as possible, pamper yourself in whichever way seems appropriate. 

Take time out to nurture yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Whether or not the break-up was anticipated, it is still a shock to your system. Your norm has vanished and you have to learn to live a new, single life. It is tough.

Read more: Divorced French woman must pay ex-husband’s €400,000 debt: Why?

No hasty major decisions

You do not have to decide what the future holds immediately. You need time to let your emotions settle, so no major decisions. Take it one day at a time, get through that day and postpone further changes to your life. 

You are not accountable to anybody either. You do not have to explain yourself or divulge why your relationship has come to an end. 

The only responsibility you have is to yourself and your children, if you have any. There will be time in the future to make these life-changing decisions. Now is not the moment while your emotions are so raw. 

Tap into your support network

This is the time to tap into whatever support you have. This could be your friends, family, spiritual adviser, or even professional help if you need it. 

Part of that network may be engaging a legal adviser who can explain your options to you. 

A good legal adviser can help you decide what to do in matters such as custody of children, sharing property and assets and the actual divorce process in France, should you wish that to happen. This principle also applies to unmarried couples, of course. 

Get out there

As someone who has been divorced twice, I completely understand why this piece of advice may be irritating. Your heart may be broken and your self-confidence shattered, but sitting at home brooding is going to make everything much worse. 

Isolation can be a killer at its worst and a prison at its best. It is never a positive thing to isolate. 

If you can just push yourself out of the door, even if only to go for a short walk, you will feel better for it. Often, it is the thought of making the effort that is the hardest. Once you have done it, you will be grateful you did. 

Support somebody else

This may seem like a crazy suggestion, but after my son died, the only way I could cope with the heartache was to force myself to help other people. 

Doing so did not bring my son back, but it did help me to start to heal, and in helping others, you get so much more back. 

You do not even have to join a voluntary organisation. Just picking up the phone and asking somebody else how they are doing, breaks the draining cycle of rumination. 

Dwelling on your problems never solves them. In fact, it is often when you are not thinking about them that the solution emerges. 

Take up a new interest

In doing so, you will start to build new horizons and make fresh contacts. We are programmed to survive, whatever life throws at us. Keeping yourself occupied will open different doors. 

Perhaps consider writing a journal in which you express your deepest emotions. Write a letter to your ex-partner but do not post it. 

Join a yoga or dance class. Mindfulness meditation is a wonderful balm to soothe troubled emotions. Even if there are none of these activities locally, there are many organisations and classes online. 

You can take taster classes and if you enjoy yourself, you can sign up to a block of them. It is fascinating to what extent the pandemic has changed learning. The whole world is now a classroom and you do become part of your online community of choice. 

Tips for surviving a relationship break-up abroad

• Take things one day at a time – you only have to get through the next 24 hours
• Seek professional help from a lawyer, accountant and therapist if you need it
• Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into returning to your homeland
• Trust your instincts and only confide in people who demonstrate themselves to be trustworthy
• Be self-compassionate. Instead of beating yourself up, learn from your break-up
• Never give up on yourself or on life. There is always hope of better times ahead

Have you suffered a relationship breakup? If so, please email Cynthia@connexionfrance.com and share your experience