My husband hates my new teetotal lifestyle in France

Dear Cynth,

I live on the French Riviera and have recently stopped drinking. This has displeased my husband greatly. He drinks daily and says he mourns the loss of his drinking partner. 

He tells me I am being completely absurd and that “a little of what you fancy does you good”. The truth is, alcohol did me no good whatsoever. 

To add insult to injury, he is now recruiting our French friends in his campaign to get me to start drinking again. I feel like I am being turned into an object of ridicule. 

Please can you help me to resolve this horrible issue, which is gradually eroding my relationship with my husband and my social life.

As a teetotaller of almost 29 years, I have encountered all sorts of situations where people question why I no longer drink.

I never feel the need to explain my reasons. Why should I and why should you? You would not ask someone why they have a wart on the end of their nose as it would rightly be considered rude.

Some people think that if you do not drink, you are a party pooper. Or boring. That is nonsense. 

In fact, I recently became coordinator of a large expat organisation – running their twice-monthly happy hour. 

Sometimes people project their own alcohol demons onto non-drinkers. Do you think your husband drinks to excess? 

I suggest that you politely tell him that you have no objections to his drinking – but that you no longer want to drink.

He does not need a drinking partner. It sounds as if he has plenty of “friends”. 

Consider finding a different social circle. There are so many organisations in France where you can meet wonderful people, and I can assure you they do not all drink.

You say you live on the Riviera. Try contacting the International Women’s Club there. I have found enjoyment and made close friends among these women, some of whom drink and others who choose not to. You could also visit your mairie and ask about local activities you could join. 

If you do think your husband’s drinking is problematic, all you can do is look after yourself and encourage him to seek help. There are plenty of support organisations for non-drinkers in France, including English-language meetings listed on the Alcoholics Anonymous website. 

Al-Anon Family Groups (Al-Anon) also offer mutual-help groups for families and friends of problem-drinking individuals. 

Self-care is essential – not anyone else’s opinion. “No” is a complete sentence which does not require further explanation!