How do I get my expat friend to learn French?
Cynthia Spillman offers advice to a reader who feels monopolised by her English-speaking neighbour
Talking about how you progressed in French is one way to broach the subject
Kaspars Grinvalds/Shutterstock
Dear Cynth,
How can I (sensitively) tell my expat friend he needs to learn more French?
We moved to France after retiring, aged 65, with virtually no French language whatsoever.
Over the past five years we have been taking classes, learning at home, and attending online conversation clubs to the extent that we are now fairly proficient speakers.
However, the other British chap in our village, who has been here for more than 10 years, knows hardly a scrap of French and is not in the least embarrassed by the fact.
Obviously we don’t mind talking to him in English in our homes, but at village social events we always cringe when he monopolises us because we are the only people he can communicate with. AA
This is a really tricky one on several levels. You have obviously made huge efforts to learn French, which is laudable.
You have embraced your new life and have clearly launched yourself into it with great gusto.
Do you have any idea why your friend seems unbothered by his lack of French? Are there any issues which could be preventing him from learning? Does he have a partner you could have a quiet word with?
Perhaps he is hiding something else behind an apparent air of being blasé.
I think it is time to be blunt with him – as nicely as possible, of course.
Before you see him approaching at social events, decide in advance how much time speaking English you are willing to indulge him with.
After your internal cut-off point, tell him that you both want to practise your French as much as possible so, if he doesn't mind, you would like to move on.
You could also suggest that in order to improve his social and daily life, he embarks on learning French too.
Wax lyrical about how little you knew and how much it is transforming your life, being able to communicate with the locals.
You can share with him the many ways you embraced the learning experience – and encourage him to give it a whirl too.
If you feel brave enough, invite him to an event at your house where all the other people only speak French – while you stick to your boundary about speaking English.
He might then take the hint, if he cannot communicate with anybody.
At the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. It is beyond my comprehension why some people would choose to live in France and not embrace the language, but vive la différence.
If he still persists in speaking English only and it is really getting to you, then there is no reason to engage with him. You will have tried, and if he maintains the status quo remember that you can only help those who wish to help themselves.
