Recently, we returned to our Herefordshire base for seven weeks.
I was displeased as, having spent five months in Provence, the thought of returning to Blighty left me cold.
I used to dread going back to the UK because France has become my true home. I can magnify issues beforehand and get myself into a tizz.
Inevitably, I discover that whatever I am fearing is not as bad as I expected. So this time I drew up an action plan to help myself make the most of our trip.
Don’t compare and despair
I could bore the pants off an ant by constantly repeating how much I prefer France to the UK – how much better everything is there, from the weather to healthcare – ad nauseam.
In fact, when I am able to be more level-headed and break this cycle, I begin to see that there are plenty of good things about the UK, too. Comparing and despairing only ever makes me feel bad.
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I am flawed and human, but I am determined to mend my ways in future because now that I am back I’ve found that it really isn’t that bad.
In fact, there are some things I am actually looking forward to doing, including people to see.
Plan plenty of things to do
Before you even set foot on your native soil, make a list of people, places, and things you would like to see and do.
Make it specific and, if you are planning several meet-ups, contact these people in advance and make firm arrangements.
This will give you something to look forward to. I am not referring to the odious ‘duty visits’ which we more or less all have to make when we are back ‘home’.
Consider whose company uplifts you – and avoid like the plague those who drain you, or who in any way belittle you.
Build in time for self-care
You do not have to buzz around all over the country.
Chances are, you are going to be busy, but if you don’t create some ‘you time’, you will deplete your energy, your mood may go down the pan and the time will drag, rather than whizz past.
This is the perfect opportunity to arrange your beauty treatments, perhaps a massage, trips to the theatre and cinema and nice long soaks in a bubble bath.
You do not have to run an open house for all and sundry to drop by without notice.
Be 'boundaried': say “no” if you have other plans – and be kind to yourself.
Focus on the positives
The south of France was always my greatest love – until I met my husband, Peter.
It still runs a close second to him in the popularity stakes.
But when I put my mind to it, I can identify and appreciate many things about the UK.
For example, it is a vibrant country and has a rich history. It offers a diverse culture, with a strong sense of community. There is fantastic scenery all over the UK.
The old and new are seamlessly blended wherever you find yourself. And it has world-class institutions.
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Be in the present
I used to be someone who lived very much in the past and daydreamed about the future. The psychological term for this is ‘disassociation’.
Understandably, my life was hell for many decades and I know that living in my head was very much a defence and an escape mechanism from a painful life – definitely not the one I had planned or to which I had aspired.
This can be a pernicious habit to break. If we don’t live in the present, we are not really present for ourselves or others. Life offers pocketfuls of joy and happiness, if only we search for them.
I have long struggled with a mind like a wild beast, but there are ways of taming it and I endeavour to do that periodically, no matter where in the world I find myself.
Count down to returning
I have drawn up a little chart so I can tick off the number of days before I return to my beloved Provence.
This may sound childish, but in fact instead of focusing on The Return, it is enabling me to make the most of my time in the UK by doing what I like to do and not forcing myself to do what I hate.
The time will pass anyway, so I am determined to make the most of it!
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Tips for enhancing your trip home
- Engage with energising and not draining people
- Take your stay one day at a time
- Strike a balance between doing too little and too much
- Keep your connections going with friends in France
- Give yourself permission to cut short your stay if you want to
- Say “non”!
Can you relate to Cynthia’s feelings of dread at the thought of returning home? Get in touch to share your experiences by emailing cynthia.spillman@connexionfrance.com.
