No crisps, no party games: the unwritten rules of French children’s birthdays

My neighbour was recently organising a birthday party for her grandson, and it was turning into a right palaver. 

I do know that in France you do not serve savoury things to kids at birthday parties (no Twiglets, no crisps, no egg and cress sandwiches). I also know that as well as cake you have to give them enough fizzy drinks and sweets to make them sick on the way home. 

But I have never seen them play party games like pass-the-parcel or sleeping lions. The kids prefer to just run riot, usually until one of them is sick or has a black eye. 

Apparently that kind of party no longer cuts the mustard. Today's kids have to be taken to a Chinese buffet where they can drop lychees all over the floor before scoffing cake and fizzy drinks. Or pony riding is popular – or trampolines.

Yes, trampolines. Can you believe it? The kids get horrendously over-excited, scoff cake, coke and Carambar sweets, then bounce up and down until the inevitable disaster strikes. Nightmare. 

Changes can be rung by replacing the trampolines with ball pits, or swimming pools. Different vibes, same result.

So when my neighbour asked me to help out, I walked backwards and muttered something about having to de-scale the kettle, but she roped me in anyway. 

Read more: French children's parties are low key affairs - fortunately

On the fateful day, however, I was amazed. She had chosen a petting farm. When I got there, the kids were fizzing with excitement but she had them all corralled into the barn and sitting on benches within minutes. 

The cake and sweets were ingested with a lot of noise but no actual bun fighting. A few paper cups got knocked over but only by accident, and then they were off to inspect the tractor and take turns sitting in the seat.

This left the adults to dispose of several bottles of artisan cider while chatting among themselves. 

Meanwhile the staff were incredibly efficient because they do this every weekend. The barn floor was hosed down, and the farmer whistled the kids into line for a cart ride. 

By the time they got back, cider was nearly finished and the kids were starting to look a bit frayed at the edges, so it was time to go. 

All my neighbour had to do was pay the bill and deal with the birthday boy, who in time-honoured tradition was completely over-the-top excited and heading towards a tantrum.

"Now you behave," his doting grandmother said to him. "Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking. You can go and sit in the car until I'm ready to go". 

She sounded so strict, I wondered what was wrong but as she turned away she winked and I realised she was just signalling that the party was over. 

French grandparents seem to be incredibly indulgent with their grandchildren but also incredibly firm. They buy them toys and treats, take them on days out, but in return insist on obedience and good manners.