How raising children in France differs from the US and what to expect

French parenting has long piqued Americans' interest.

From toddlers eating three-course lunches at preschool to children expected to sit quietly in cafés, placing a greater emphasis on independence, the differences stand out almost immediately to American parents.

The statistics behind this phenomenon provide an equally interesting picture.

France ranked third in the world in terms of child well-being, with outstanding marks for children's mental health, physical health and skills, according to a 2025 UNICEF report. The US was not fully ranked by UNICEF due to missing data, but the indicators that were published – physical health and skills – ranked much lower than France.

However, this is only one part of the picture. France has also seen a sharp rise in child poverty in recent years, while the US rate has fallen, according to UNICEF. Americans in France may also find that the French attitude to young children's education is more restrictive than the encouraging approach in the US, where exploration and self-confidence are key.

Ellen Hilton, who has taught in both France and the US and moved here from the States in 2019, said the French approach is less about being stricter and more about having higher expectations.

"It is a lot about allowing French kids to be independent and autonomous and teaching [them] how to be a part of society," Ms Hilton told The Connexion. "So you see a lot of French parents who bring their kids to the café or to the brasserie."

Early childhood

Differences in childrearing start early. According to Pamela Druckerman's book Bringing up Bébé, French babies sleep through the night at as early as two months old due to the pause method, where parents observe the crying baby for a few minutes before rushing to soothe it.

While both American and French parents rely on daycare, these two systems are also quite different. Public preschool is free in France starting at age three, and before that, there are public daycares, or crèches municipales, that are heavily subsidized with fees based on income. The price ranges from €120 to €850 per month, according to the daycare platform Quelle Crèche. In the States, daycare prices often soar into the thousands.

That being said, France is facing a real problem with childcare availability, said Ms Hilton, who started the blog Américaine in France. Some parents even reserve a daycare spot as early as their first trimester of pregnancy.

For parents hoping to raise bilingual children, another concern may be incorporating early English immersion – especially considering French public education is obligatory starting at age three. For her young son, Ms Hilton opted for French daycare two days out of the week and an English-speaking nanny the other two days.

Alexana Braeden, the CEO of Academic Learning Center of New York in France, said it is important to start bilingual learning early. Her center offers afterschool and other youth programs that are conducted in English, with an American teaching style.

"My advice is still not to go straight into the French school system, because it’s really very difficult for the children afterward," she told The Connexion.

Going to school

Ms Hilton still remembers the pin-drop silence in the French primary school she used to teach English at. While in her classroom students spoke to and engaged with each other, the other children worked individually. Often, teachers in nearby classrooms would ask Ms Hilton to quiet down her class.

This experience highlights a key difference between American and French education: schools in the US tend to emphasize teamwork, collaboration and small group work between students at a much higher rate than at French schools.

The latter employ a top-down model where the teacher imparts knowledge and students must memorize it.

When they adapt to the French system, that tends to be tricky for American children who are used to a more horizontal relationship with their teachers, Ms Braeden said.

"The fear of grades is very significant in the French system, whereas the American system is based on evaluation," she said. "So basically, if you did not do well, it is okay because you will do better next time."

A similar phenomenon exists for parents: don't expect daily chats with your child's teacher. In France, teachers generally keep a clearer professional distance, with meetings arranged in advance rather than taking place during drop-off or pick-up. 

The system also favors the development of soft skills, experiential learning rather than the memorization of theory, and self-confidence, Ms Braeden added.

There are some perks, though. Ms Hilton said the French emphasis on memorizing content means students emerge from their studies with a much deeper understanding of subjects like history. They also start studying philosophy in high school.

"When you talk to French people, you can tell that they know their history, their geography," Ms Hilton said. "They can speak very intelligibly on a variety of topics."

French children – especially in big cities – are also more independent in getting to school and take the metro or walk alone from around 11 to 13. 

Another welcome change for American children may be the lunch breaks at French schools. These can last up to two hours, with students receiving a three-course meal with fresh, nutritious ingredients.

Speaking of meals, in France, children are not the ones deciding the menu – adults are. That means French children usually eat the same food as their parents, and they have a regular structure of three meals a day plus one afternoon snack, the goûter.

Snacking on goldfish throughout the day or eating processed pizza during a 30-minute lunch break are simply not part of growing up in France. Neither, for that matter, is reciting the pledge of allegiance or attending assemblies every morning.

Entering adolescence

One change some American parents and children may lament is the lack of sports integrated into French schools.

In France, "you have to go seek those out outside of school," Ms Hilton said. This, however, can provide a good opportunity to meet new friends outside of your school circle.

It is also cheaper to enroll your child in extracurriculars in France, because they are better subsidized, said Ms Braeden.

It is not common for French high schoolers to work alongside their studies, as the time students spend at school is around two hours longer than in the US. Another change for Americans is the absence of prom in most French high schools, or lycées.

Finally, getting a 100 percent, or a 20/20, is not as easy as it is in the US. Anything from 15 to 17.99 out of 20 in a French high school is considered "remarkable," according to the Council on International Educational Exchange, a non-profit organization running study abroad programs. Receiving a 20 is extremely rare, and a 10 is generally the pass mark.

Getting used to this new system of education may not be simple for students and parents. However, beyond just appearing more strict, the French approach to parenting and education does something deeper – it prepares children for adulthood, Ms Hilton said.

"They are allowed to be in adult spaces, but they have to conduct themselves in a certain way," she said.

If you have moved to France from the US, we would love to hear about your experience raising children. Share your thoughts with us at feedback@connexionfrance.com.