Should I feel guilty about wanting to move away from France?
Columnist Cynthia Spillman advises a reader who is missing his family
Even if you move back you can maintain connections with friends
LightField Studios/Shutterstock
Dear Cynth,
We have been living in France for five years but have discovered, with two very young children now, that we miss family back home too much.
Consequently, we are selling up and returning to the UK this winter.
Although we spent months agonising over it, and I know deep down it is the right decision for us, I cannot help sometimes feeling like a failure for not making our new life work out. Any advice?
A.S.
There are a number of ways in which you can help rid yourself of these unhelpful feelings of guilt and failure. These sentiments achieve nothing except cause you stress. Stop self-harming!
Firstly, you need to accept what is, as opposed to what could have been.
Suspend your self-judgment and criticism. How is it serving you to think like this?
It has been said that there are no failures – just learning experiences.
Focus on what you and your family have gained from living in France for five years.
I am certain there are plenty of things. Write them down if that helps you to focus on the positive.
Nobody can ever take away your experiences, both good and bad. They become part of who you are and make you a richer, more rounded person.
Your children will have gained enormously too. Children, even young ones, soak up new experiences like a sponge.
You have obviously done a great deal of soul searching before reaching this major decision. If it feels right for you, then it is right.
Despite your return to the UK, you can maintain the connections you have made in France during your time there.
You can visit France and others can visit you in return.
I bet there are many people who would like to have been as brave as you and who did not have the courage to undertake a five-year French adventure!
You should pat yourself on the back.
Look forward and not backwards. Be positive. You are returning to the UK, but that does not mean it has to be forever.
Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes!
Perhaps you will return to France later for part two of the adventure.
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry? Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
Any letters selected for publication will be anonymised. Cynthia will endeavour to reply to all emails.
