Five things to know to understand the French mindset
Why being polite means not being too friendly and arriving late is sometimes best
Making sure to greet shop assistants is essential in France
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Understanding some of the more unspoken rules of French culture can sometimes feel like a minefield for newcomers or visitors.
When the rules are not clear, how can you ensure you act in a polite and considerate way?
We count down some essential tips for understanding the French mindset, from how to show good manners to why complaining is not necessarily a bad thing.
Be polite – but not over friendly
The French have sometimes had the reputation of being rude or unwelcoming, but this can often be a misinterpretation based on the expected level of politeness.
A certain formal politeness is expected in almost all social situations in France, and it is worth understanding what this entails before you arrive to avoid making any faux pas.
For example, in France, it is expected that you will say bonjour and au revoir when entering and leaving a shop. If you do not greet the shop assistant, you may well receive a frosty reception.
Also make sure to address shop assistants, waiters and waitresses using “Monsieur” or “Madame” and the formal “vous”.
Read more: La politesse: what habits can make you seem rude to French people?
If greeting a group, it is polite to greet everyone individually upon arrival.
And while it is important to be polite, do not think about getting too chummy.
Small talk or questions that are too personal directed at relative strangers are not the norm in France.
Relish debate – but not every subject… and not too loudly
Many French people enjoy exchanging opinions and getting into a good discussion whether you are talking about the film you just saw or the latest political developments.
Opinions are encouraged and given freely, but there are certain subjects that tend to be off-limits. Money talk – especially discussing how much people are paid – is a distinct no-no and work is not as big a topic of conversion in France as in places like the US.
The way you converse is also important in France. Avoid talking too loudly or raising your voice above the general pitch of the bar or restaurant you are in.
Integrate – but plan visits ahead of time
Getting to know your new neighbours after a move to France is essential, but it is worth bearing in mind French habits when it comes to visiting.
In France, it can be viewed as impolite to drop in on a neighbour without any prior warning.
Instead, arrange a meet up ahead of time, perhaps at the local café, instead of “inviting yourself” to a neighbour’s home. Let the invite come from them.
Read more: Seven tips to help you integrate in France
Prioritise mealtimes – but do not arrive early
Once you have made friends and have been invited to a home for dinner, knowing the French attitude to timekeeping can be useful.
In some countries, arriving on time or even a few minutes early, would be seen as the most polite thing to do. But in France, it is more polite to arrive 10 or 15 minutes late to ensure your hosts are ready to receive you.
Read more: Why being punctual is not always polite in France
Once you are enjoying a meal in France, do not feel the need to rush. Put your phones away and enjoy the leisurely pace.
Most French people still prioritise sitting down to eat, while eating and walking is frowned upon.
Read more: French really DO spend longer 'à table', says study
Embrace complaining – in fact, it can help you bond
“Are the French world champion complainers?” France 24 asked in 2020. The broadcaster interviewed French people, many of whom agreed they “lacked positivity” and definitely enjoyed having a grumble about many aspects of life.
The piece concluded that the French are râleurs, or whingers, and love nothing more than a good moan for moaning’s sake.
Read more: France, a nation of complainers? Yes, but it’s a good thing
It is not necessarily a bad thing – you do not have to feel the need to be endlessly optimistic and having a whinge can even be a good conversation starter. Many French people will bond over a shared gripe and like nothing more than a collective complain about whatever is getting on their nerves.
Read more: Seven ways to complain like a French person
What do you think it is useful to know to better understand French life and culture? Let us know your thoughts via feedback@connexionfrance.com
