An opportunity for my partner means embracing change in my life in France

Since my husband Peter retired two years ago, I have noticed how much he has missed being in the cut and thrust of business. 

An exciting work opportunity recently presented itself, which means that, at 70, he is seriously considering coming out of retirement.

However, while change might be just the tonic some people need, it can have a big impact on those around them.

It can also feel more pointed and threatening when we live abroad, far from family and close friends.

I am no exception. With a French passport under my belt (no more Brexit restrictions affecting my ability to finally live in the country I love), and plenty of time to do things with Peter, I thought I had retirement all figured out. 

Then boom! My septuagenarian husband is having his long curls cut off so that he can attend a job interview. 

Of course, I was delighted that an opportunity had arisen. I realised that Peter is still as dynamic now as ever and I wholeheartedly urged him to go for it. I could see the attraction. 

However, a short while later, in the wee small hours, I started to dwell on what it might mean for me. 

My anxiety levels soared. By 07:00, along with his breakfast poor Peter received a barrage of doubts about his potential opportunity. 

Being an impulsive creature, it all came out of my mouth at Concorde-like speed. After I had vented my spleen I felt better – but also guilty for dampening his enthusiasm. 

On reflection, I realised that I was going to have to change my attitude. 

Honest communication

Honest communication is not just about being open with your partner. It is also about being frank with yourself. 

Of course, you should always communicate respectfully with each other, but if you do not examine your inner dialogue, you are heading for disaster. 

Taking time out for myself, I undertook self-scrutiny. 

I realised that I have been treading water with my intended projects. 

I absolutely adore my French life, but I have got a string of unfinished projects and burgeoning ideas which I have been neglecting for years.

And what is at the root of my procrastination? My old enemy: fear.

If my beloved is to embark on yet another career, then I have the perfect opportunity to have another look at my projects, pull up my socks, discard some and get cracking with those that may have legs.

Intertwining lives

I have a tendency to be co-dependent – having been married three times might be a giveaway.

I also know that it is not a healthy condition to remain in. There is co-dependency, independence and the intertwining of lives. I am aiming for the latter. 

So, whatever happens with Peter, I have had a firm nudge to build my own French life, develop my network, and to stop procrastinating by focusing on what I want to do and taking action to achieve this. 

France offers plenty of opportunities to me too, and it is up to me to grab them and make them a reality – for my benefit and that of our relationship.

Whatever will be, will be

I have already taken little steps towards my own career goals. A contact here and a writing pitch there. 

I have spoken to my publisher and mooted some ideas to him. 

My efforts may come to nothing, but I am not going to be left behind by Peter, feeling sorry for myself. 

I know that even if he declines the current opportunity, a spark has been reignited and it will only be a matter of time before he comes up with something else. 

Meanwhile, sitting in the garden soaking up the sun as I work on my laptop, I am going to be far too busy feathering my own career nest to be fretting about “will he, or won’t he?” 

And as I always say, it is never too late for a new beginning. Action time!

Tips for managing change

• Stay flexible and open to life’s endless possibilities
• Adapt your attitudes as needed
• Never stop developing your own interests
• Communicate honestly with your partner
• Plan for change
• Review the status quo regularly. You can always change your mind and direction

Do you have a story of encountering and managing big life changes in retirement? If so, email cynthia@connexionfrance.com and share your experience.