The house we bought in France is just too big for us and we can't afford the upkeep

I feel like a prize chump! We bought a large house in France during the pandemic. We thought it was going to be glorious living in such splendour. We have now realised that it is far too big for us. We just cannot afford it on so many levels. How can we deal with the shame of admitting this to other people? What should we do? F.F.

Cynthia says: Oh dear! You are not alone in your dilemma. I know that many expats have embarked on the dream of owning a large French pile, only to discover that it is actually a nightmare. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we cannot rewrite history. 

There are several issues which need to be separated here. The first being, you do not have to explain yourself to anybody. The vast majority of people are too wrapped up in their own lives to be bothered about what we are doing in ours. And if they are, then that’s because they have got nothing more fruitful to do with their time. 

Searching for others’ approval can be a lifelong problem. You are an autonomous grown-up. Don’t waste your precious energy on seeking external validation. You make your own decisions based on your own choices. 

Read more: Is it difficult for self-employed workers to secure a mortgage from a French bank?

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Can you sit down with your partner, list all the issues which are causing you to feel like you do, and see if, between you, you are able to come up with solutions? 

Could you rent out part of your house on a seasonal letting platform such as Airbnb? 

Is the situation as dire as you currently feel? 

Ask yourselves what the alternatives are to selling up which, as everybody knows, is very costly in France. You could request a valuation from a local estate agent to ascertain what your property is worth. 

I am a great believer in gathering the facts. Knowledge is power and you can then make a far more balanced decision before taking action which you may later regret.