How to spring clean your relationship after moving to France

We can all be guilty of taking our partners for granted. When you are living in a foreign country and perhaps your friends and family are abroad, it is perfectly natural to rely more on your partner than is beneficial. 

What better time, therefore, than the spring to conduct an informal “review” of how satisfied you are feeling with yourself and with your relationship. 

Unrealistic expectations

I formerly owned the UK’s biggest social events business for singletons, with over 23,000 members. I also worked as a dating coach and wrote a book for mature women in search of a relationship. 

Though this I learned that without fail the biggest block in finding and maintaining a relationship is unrealistic expectations. 

It became obvious why certain people just were not able to find a partner, or enjoy a long-term relationship. I helped my coaching clients draw up a list of what I call 'needs versus wants.' 

This is similar to an inventory. If you own a business, you undertake regular stock takes. So why not do this at regular intervals with your primary relationship?

How to navigate a culture clash with your French in-laws and partner

Familiarity can breed contempt

It is easy to get into a rut – as with anything in life. But to just give up on yourself and on your relationship is a waste of two precious lives. 

A great relationship is supposed to be the cherry on the cake, not a drain, and just because you have been with somebody for a long time does not mean you should give up on making the effort. 

Quite the opposite, in fact – the longer you have been together, the harder you should try to keep your relationship alive and kicking. 

We all age, our bodies change and our energy levels flag. But there is action to be taken and you can start to make these changes for the better at any stage of your relationship.

Read more: How to cope when the shine comes off your ‘perfect’ new life in France

Make time for each other

I do not buy the theories about different love languages, or that “Men Are from Venus and Women are from Mars.” But I do believe in honesty and good communication. 

In order to achieve this, your starting point has to be spending quality time together – uninterrupted. So, phones switched off, take turns to speak, do not interrupt and pause before responding. 

Remove yourselves from your usual environment. Really listen to what your partner has to say. Everybody is entitled to their own feelings and you may have completely different perceptions of the same situation. 

Plan regular dates

My husband and I integrated a weekly date night years ago. At first this was a real effort, but I soon got into the swing of things, and quickly saw the promising results. 

We take turns to plan a date on a Thursday night. This does not have to cost a fortune and you do not even have to go out. It can be as simple as cooking some special food and eating it by candlelight. Or going to the cinema, or even going for a walk. 

The point of this is that it is quality time, with no distractions. You can focus on each other and enjoy your partner’s company. It continues to be a real boon in our 24-year-old relationship. 

In 2006, we took up flamenco dancing and then had a flamenco wedding!

Show appreciation regularly

When you are going through a rough patch, you can forget to show your appreciation to your partner. It is not enough to think that you are grateful. You have to show them you are! 

Lavish gifts are not necessary. A bouquet of flowers – and I have frequently given those to my husband. A kind appreciative word. A back rub. Breakfast in bed. The list of simple things you can do to freshen things up is endless. Use your imagination! 

Remind yourself why you fell for your partner in the first place. Those qualities will still be there, even if they have become obscured by the trivia of life and the passage of time. 

Read more: Six pieces of advice if you plan to grow old in France

Take up new activities

Living abroad is a joint adventure you have undertaken. While it is great to take up a new interest together, find your own interests locally too. You have a richness of experience which you would not have if you had stayed in your home country. Make the most of it. 

It also means that when you are with your partner, you have far more to talk about. 

Tips for sprucing up your relationship

Don’t give up on a good thing – the grass may appear greener elsewhere because it’s fake! 

• Our biggest enemy can be between our ears and how we limit ourselves
• Keep your relationship expectations realistic
• Good, mindful communication is essential.
• Look after your emotional, physical and relationship health and seek professional help if you need it
• You can inject your relationship with new pizzazz at any stage.

For relationship help, you can contact Afccc.fr.

Do you have any other tips for spring cleaning a relationship? Share them at cynthia@connexionfrance.com