'Beyond my wildest dreams': French mayor reunites with American brother after decades apart

"It's an extraordinary story – beyond my wildest dreams. What I had imagined, at best, revolved around the profiles of my biological parents. I never imagined having a brother. Especially in the United States,” said Erik Pilardeau.

“I did not understand the gravity of having a biological sibling or mother and father… until it really happened. It was only a dream up until that point,” said Eddie Alvarez.

Both men were born under France’s ‘accouchement sous X’ (anonymous delivery) provision, which allows new mothers to withhold their identity (see more on this below).

Erik was born on April 27, 1957 in Charleville-Mézières (Ardennes). Eddie was born on March 5, 1959 in Châteauneuf-en-Thymerais (Eure-et-Loir).

The former was adopted by a pastry-maker father and schoolteacher mother on July 30, 1957. He grew up in France, became the mayor of Bogny-sur-Meuse for 19 years and president of the Ardennes departmental advisory board.

Eddie was adopted by a US soldier stationed at Dreux-Louvilliers air base, and a stay-at-home mother, on March 11, 1959. They left France a year later and moved to Texas, where Eddie still lives. He worked for ExxonMobil Oil Corporation for 40 years. 

Genetic test

It took the two men respectively 65 and 63 years to learn that they were brothers. That finally happened in April 2022, when Erik received the results from a genetic test he had taken abroad and emailed his findings to Eddie, who was listed as being a 37.4% genetic match. “I believed it as soon as I read it. Erik provided a headshot in the email. I looked at his nose and eyes and thought: ‘That’s my brother,’” Eddie told The Connexion.

What followed were three years of discussions and trips to get to know each other, as well as find more details of the biological parents. 

The Connexion spoke to both of them about their life, their incredible stroke of luck to have discovered their family link, and what remains to be known of their personal and shared history.

Read more: Briton applies for French residency card and finds he was adopted - and has siblings

Erik, you found out you were adopted at 18 during a conversation with someone from your village. Is it true that everyone knew except you?

Erik: It was a casual conversation and the subject just came up: "You are adopted, how do you feel about it? Are you okay?" That is how it was first verbalised to me. I had never heard it before, except maybe in an inner voice. The fact that it came from someone unrelated to the family made it more credible.

There were probably signs. There was no photo of my mother pregnant, for example. I should have paid closer attention when I was called a "bastard" at school. These could have been clues. Was I ready to put them together? As soon as I found out, I started talking about it in the village and came to realise that many other people already knew. I recently met someone who told me he saw my father pick me up from the nursery.

What did your parents say when you had ‘The Talk’ with them?

Erik: They confirmed it and told me everything they knew about my adoption. At the time, that was enough for me. 

But I always wanted to know more about where I came from. I knew it would take time. When I hit 30, I started my research.

I happened to tell them around 2007 that I was really curious about my adoption. As soon as I said that, I could see the concern and the hurt in their eyes, if I were to find out. Maybe I was reading more into it than there was, but that is what it felt like.

Did you resent your parents for not telling you?

Erik: I resented them when I was 18, but I moved on. I am grateful to my parents for not having lied to me, even though I found it out myself.

How did you start your research?

Eddie: One of my brothers was born in France. I knew that I was an adopted child from the get-go. France was the most likely country on my radar.My parents gave me all the documentation they had about my adoption, but none of it mentioned my biological parents. I only knew I was born in Châteauneuf-en-Thymerais and that my adoptive father was stationed there. There were several pictures of me growing up there and I vaguely – vaguely – remembered living there.

I hired a private investigator but they only came up with quite insignificant findings. After my mother passed away in 2018, I started getting very seriously into it. I signed up on genealogy platforms such as 23AndMe and MyHeritage, among others.

I went on a driving trip to Spain and France the same year. While visiting the D-Day beaches, I called at a restaurant in Chateauneuf-en-Thymerais, where the waiter was interested in my story because his father had been adopted. He took me to the hospital where I was born.

Erik: I wanted to know who my biological mother was. Whether she was a nobody or the Queen of England did not matter to me. My parents gave me the adoption judgment [paperwork].

Between 1990 and 2022, the research work was done very sporadically and without fully investing myself because of my professional life. I got into it as soon as I retired. In early 2022, I decided to do a DNA test. France theoretically forbade, but sort of tolerated, it, meaning that foreign laboratories could deliver results to French addresses.

I went to Belgium. Weeks later, MyHeritage sent me the results which listed a certain Eddie Alvarez, living in Texas, as having the highest genetic match. That was the Big Bang. It was surprising, emotional, but also raised lots of questions. It was hard to believe.

Eddie, you said that you had almost given up your search. It was only because you kept regularly checking your inbox that you saw Erik’s message…

Eddie: There were several moments in my research when I would convince myself to give up. And then something would happen and rejuvenate me. I remember watching US TV shows devoted to adoptions in which other Americans finally found out where they came from.When I received Erik’s email, I believed it as soon as I read it. Erik provided a headshot in the email. I looked at his nose and eyes and thought: “That’s my brother.”

Erik: From that moment on, we shared photos and life stories. It was not so much the difference of our lives but finding each other that was important, an extraordinary coincidence. It might never have happened. There are so many coincidences, so much destiny involved.

Were you surprised to be contacted by a French person through an American company, considering tracing family origins is a big part of American history and culture?

Eddie: I thought I would be the one finding my brother. I was very surprised he found me first. We are obsessed with finding out our lineage in the US.

After that, was it easier to search together?

Erik: Yes. It is a game of ping-pong. We would send each other what we had found. Over time, we shared more intimate things. The discussions became more personal.

We communicate a lot through a translator on WhatsApp and by email. When Eddie comes to France, I try to remember my English lessons. But if I speak hesitant English, Eddie does not speak a word of French. Never forget that! [laughs].Eddie: I took French when I was at primary/grade school. I can count to 10 and spell my name. That’s about it.As for searching, Erik has the tenacity of a bulldog. When he grabs something, he does not let go. I let go several times during my search, but Erik stayed with it. He did 90% of the search. I was more of a cheerleader. To me, it felt like it was his job.

Eddie came to France in 2022 for your first reunion…

Erik: I warned him that everything was smaller here. He and his family were amazed by the heritage, the cuisine and the landscapes. They were eager to discover, as I will be when I go there. I have already seen his barbecue. My own looks tiny in comparison!

Eddie: Texas is big… big. I mean, it is bigger than France. Everybody thinks it is all arid soil, cowboys and horses. We do have that but we have greener grass than you do, for instance. There is beauty in Texas, certainly.

Read more: French data watchdog advises people to delete any DNA test information online

Eddie, you travelled to France for a second time in 2024 to go on a ‘memorial walk’ and meet people who knew your biological mother over a dinner… 

Eddie: I want to thank the biological members of our family who attended that dinner. We formed an immediate bond with them and stay in contact to this day. We also met our uncle, our father’s brother. He is a remarkable man to whom I am very close. He and I look so much alike.

Your biological mother passed away nine months before you located her. What are your feelings about that?

Erik: My first reaction was: “If only I had searched earlier.” But I am not someone who dwells on that sort of stuff. We got in touch with as many people as possible who knew her. We got a lot of anecdotes, photos, etc. We feel like we know her a little and, above all, our history.

Eddie: That will probably go down as the biggest regret of my life. There is deep regret. If any more of our mother or father’s side of the family want to meet me, I would be in France the next day.

Your biological father, 85, has remained silent so far. Eddie, you wrote him a letter saying: “Don’t turn [your] back a second time…”

Eddie: I was in an emotional state but I still stand by what I said. I understand he must have had reasons when he gave me up for adoption. Now that we have both lived our lives, I am still curious. But I do not need him. I do not need emotional support from him. I think he turned his back a second time and that is really hurtful. Still, I hope that one day I will be able to call you up to tell you that we have a planned meet-up with our biological father.

The ‘sous X’ debate

French law allows women to request that their identity be kept secret and withheld from their child’s birth certificate; hence the expression "sous X" (under the name of X) which appeared at a time when an "X" replaced the mother’s name in the child’s file. 

Every year in France, around 700 children are born ‘sous X’. 

The issue of women’s right to give birth anonymously versus the right to know one’s ‘origins’ has become an extremely sensitive one over the past decade, prompting some legislative changes and regular media coverage.

Erik Pilardeau founded the Collectif des né(e)s sous X d'ici et d'ailleurs in April 2024 to campaign for the legalisation of genetic testing in France and reunite people born to unknown biological parents.

France is one of two European countries, alongside Poland, which still forbids genetic testing for private citizens. Exceptions are only allowed for medical, judicial and scientific research. 

“We need to update our practices. [...] Not having access to this information is a form of discrimination,” Mr Pilardeau told The Connexion.

The organisation recommends seven changes, including changing the term ‘né sous X’ (born under X) to ‘dans la discrétion’ (‘discreetly’).

“Né sous X suggests anonymity. In an age of DNA, artificial intelligence, massive data-scrapping and social networks, this is a lie,” he said.

The organisation argues that biological parents who give up their children for adoption may remain anonymous until that child reaches the age of 18, upon when they may be granted access to official documents about their origins. 

“‘Discreet’ means ‘protected’. This is a balanced solution between the mother's rights at a certain moment and the child's rights at legal adulthood. The difference is significant. We no longer lie to parents, and children have access to their personal origins,” said Mr Pilardeau.

Although some recent decisions in the French justice system appear to already, by leaning towards that solution, he insisted more must be done.“Jurisprudence is one thing, changing the law is another.”