How to cope with serious illness when you are living alone in France

A medical crisis can be especially daunting when you live abroad and your usual support network is far away. Planning ahead and building local connections can make a difficult time easier to manage.

You have moved to France and are happy and settled. Then, completely out of the blue, you are diagnosed with a serious illness.

It is difficult enough being unwell ‘back home’, but what if you have no family to support you in France? How on earth are you going to manage not only to navigate your treatment, but also a period of convalescence?

A medical crisis can suddenly highlight the distance between you and the family, friends and familiar systems you left behind.

Accept the situation

Whether you have lived in France for decades or have only recently made the move, coping with significant illness requires preparation, emotional resilience and a willingness to build new sources of support.

Of course, you are going to feel more vulnerable, even if your French and your confidence in communicating your needs are good. Unfamiliar medical terminology is difficult enough to grasp in English, never mind in a foreign language.

This does not mean you are stupid. I am bilingual and, even now, I cannot quite get my head around how to obtain repeat prescriptions from my local pharmacy. If my médecin traitant has given me a six-month prescription, why will the pharmacy only dispense one month’s supply at a time?

A threat to your sense of security

I have an English neighbour who is known locally as ‘Granny’. She is 96 and was fiercely independent.

Then Granny broke her hip and all hell broke loose. A widow for three decades, she has no children, either here or in the UK.

Until she found herself in this predicament, she was still driving most days of the week. Granny is a proud, private person who had hitherto refused to accept any help. However, this has had to change because she now has no choice.

Her entire being has been shaken by her fall. It is as if her accident has aged her by 10 years, and there are signs of her mental capacity diminishing.

A crucial step is to build a local network before a crisis occurs. Look at it as creating additional layers of support. Neighbours, friends, local groups, community organisations, expatriate networks, and religious and social groups can become valuable sources of practical help.

Generally speaking, most people are only too willing to drive you to an appointment, collect medication, act as a translator at the doctor’s or simply sit with you over a cup of coffee.

Familiarise yourself with the healthcare system

Nobody likes to imagine the worst, but forewarned is forearmed where your health is concerned.

We previously owned a will-writing and estate administration firm in London. The number of people who were petrified to make their wills was simply mind-boggling. It was as if, in doing so, they somehow hastened their own end.

We used to jokingly tell our clients that statistics showed, on average, that people lived for eight years after making their last will, so we advised them to update it every seven years.

Inevitably, clients always felt relieved after they had made their wills.

It is the same with familiarising yourself with the French healthcare system. Learn as much as you can before you need it, for peace of mind.

Accept help

It shows strength to ask for and accept support. Often, when we reach out, we also help the other person.

Cultural differences can affect the way your French friends offer help. This does not mean they are invading your privacy. They are just different from your British friends and family.

You must also look after your emotional wellbeing. Illness can bring fear, isolation, frustration and even anger to the fore. These feelings can be intensified because you are far from your familiar safety net.

Know, however, that your identity is not defined by your illness. While it might feel like a big part of your life right now, that does not mean it is forever.

Make use of any emotional support you can obtain, especially if your mood is low. Seek assistance from your doctor, a counsellor or even online. Contact your mairie for details of local organisations that might be able to offer further support.

Tips for coping with illness abroad

• Plan for future health eventualities.

• Create a medical folder containing all your important documents.

• Keep in touch with and inform your UK family and friends.

• Do not feel guilty about accepting help.

• Protect your emotional health.

• Indulge yourself with regular treats.

Have you been seriously ill and alone in France? If so, email cynthia@connexionfrance.com to share your experience.