Learning French: how native speakers really talk to each other

Over the centuries a language developed in France that was regarded as the very epitome of nuanced expression. It became the standard for diplomacy, philosophy, high culture and elegant debate.

You can still hear this language spoken today but it is almost an endangered species. Mostly French people adapt their beautiful language to make it more adequate for daily use.

We talk of “French” but we really must imagine there being two languages with the same name. There’s the variety mentioned above, that you were taught at school – the language of news readers, book reviewers, civil servants and poseurs on their best behaviour – and there is the French people really speak, such as you will hear in bars, staff rooms and everywhere that friends are gathered for aperitifs.

To some extent, this is the same with other languages but in French, which is so tightly regulated, the difference is extreme.

You do need to know the first kind of French to address bureaucrats, your children’s teachers, the mayor and customer service assistants in supermarkets when you have to complain that your cat won’t eat their cheap own-brand croquettes and you want your money back.

Informal French

The second kind of French is for every other occasion. Even the mayor, by the way, will probably speak “lower” or “informal French” when he/she is off duty.

If you do not want to stick out as posh or a foreigner – or both – it helps to have some familiarity with it.

The first time I became aware of it was when I heard an acquaintance leave out the “ne” in a negative phrase: "je sais pas" and then realised everyone was doing it except me.

The picture is complicated by regional varieties of French. Away from Paris and its received pronunciation, speech patterns, idioms and vocabulary vary from place to place. As your ear gets used to the sounds of the language, you are sure to notice words that are used in your department but not elsewhere.

When it comes to speaking informal French, you may feel self-conscious at first and have the impression you are doing something wrong.

It took the good schoolboy inside me years to allow himself to drop his “ne” but if you can speak French as she is really spoken with a straight face, you will stop sounding like you swallowed a dictionary and find it much easier to hang out with the cool guys.

An anti-guide to 'Street French'

To really become fluent in 'informal' French, you must fully embody the language. You need to know how to cut your words in half; garble your endings; drop abbreviations into your conversation without knowing what they stand for; deploy slang liberally and generally speak like everyone else does.

After sufficient preparation, introduce swearing, but you have to promise to use this information with the utmost care.

You will also need to master non-verbal communication, Gallic style. Partly this consists of the use of gestures – which you can only learn by imitation – but it also means making the right noises at the right time.

Forget your “ouch” and your “wow” and listen to the curious exclamations that you will hear around you that carry interpretable emotions: “buerk”, “hein”, “bah”, “chut?”

Just one word of warning, though: however many corners are cut, the rules of French grammar do not disappear. Verbs are still conjugated and nouns and verbs gendered. You have to know them to break them.