We get on with French neighbours so why do they use ‘vous’ with us?
A French member of our team looks at the subtle differences between the use of ‘tu’ and ‘vous’
Rules are often different in theory (ie what children are taught by parents and grandparents) to those used in practice
fizkes / Shutterstock
Reader question: We have had apéro drinks with our retired-couple neighbours a few times now. We find it strange they still use the formal ‘vous’ when speaking to us individually instead of ‘tu’ as it sounds cold. We have been waiting for the invite to switch to ‘tu’ but it never comes. Is this usual?
The rules behind the use of ‘tu’ and ‘vous’ are often different in theory (ie what children are taught by parents and grandparents) in France to what is now used in practice.
The conditions triggering the use of either are complex, even for native French speakers, and the nuances can often be subtle.
In French, there are verbs to describe the action of referring to someone with ‘tu’ (se tutoyer), or ‘vous’ (se vouvoyer).
As a general rule ‘tu’ is restricted to people you know well, such as friends, family or close relatives - or children.
The use of ‘vous’ is more common in formal situations, for example, a one-on-one conversation with a person you do not know or with whom there is a big age difference.
This could be when you go to the bakery, ask directions on the street or speak with elderly people, with ‘vous’ being used to signify courtesy.
This is how it all works on paper but the reality is often different.
In our readers’ case, the neighbours are most probably using the ‘vous’ form because it is something they traditionally do to be polite. It is not necessarily linked to friendliness and how well they get on.
You can not gauge how they see you based on their use of ‘vous’.
Your neighbours will most probably never offer to switch to ‘tu’. The best you can do, if you want this, is ask them or start a friendly conversation about the topic.
But be aware that they may very well agree and use ‘tu’ once or twice before switching back to ‘vous.’
Some ‘vous/tu’ nuances
Some French people believe that using ‘tu’ with people they do not know puts everyone on an equal footing and ends a tradition they understand as being outdated or even hypocritical.
Former president Nicolas Sarkozy is a prime example of this as he often used ‘tu’ with other leaders, such as former German chancellor Angela Merkel. Journalists sometimes linked his use of ‘tu’ to his open willingness to break traditional codes of the presidency.
Funnily enough though, Mr Sarkozy used ‘vous’ when speaking with his predecessor Jacques Chirac, even though the latter used ‘tu’ when addressing him, The Irish Times reports.
Mr Sarkozy may have kept ‘vous’ because of the age difference rather than out of respect, considering his support for Mr Chirac’s arch enemy Edouard Balladur during the 1995 presidential election campaign.
Another example is Bernadette Chirac, Mr Chirac’s wife, who is said to have used ‘vous’ when speaking to her husband because of a family tradition. She told Swiss TV RTS that Mr Chirac would use ‘tu’ when he wanted to annoy her.
Former socialist president François Mitterrand was asked by a fellow socialist if they could communicate using ‘tu’, to which he responded ‘si vous voulez’, a witty answer that granted approval while implying that he would rather not.
Religion has also gone the ‘tu’ way. Since 1964, French churchgoers speak to God using ‘tu’, a form leaned on by 17th-Century poets and writers who used ‘tu’ when addressing the king and God, according to French newspaper Le Monde.
