Understanding when tu vs vous can cause offence in France

Understanding the difference between tu and vous is one of the most important elements to grasp for native English speakers learning French.

The English language uses the same word ‘you’ in all contexts, however many Romance languages - including French - use different terms depending on how formal a situation is. 

The conditions triggering the use of either tu or vous are complex, even for native French speakers, and the nuances can often be subtle.

As a general rule tu is restricted to people you know well, such as friends, family, close relatives, or children.

The use of vous signifies courtesy and is more common in formal situations, for example, a conversation with a person you do not know or with someone who is a lot older than you.

However, some French speakers prefer to use vous even if they are familiar with someone, such as a neighbour, as a sign of politeness or respect.

Some people do not like using vous as they find it creates distance and perpetuates hierarchical ideas. Using tu puts everyone on an equal footing and ends a tradition they consider to be outdated.

However, other people - particularly older generations - may find this offensive. 

If in doubt, you should start a conversation using vous. Often, if somebody feels this is too formal, they will say, tu peux me tutoyer (you can use tu), or ask, on peut se tutoyer? (can we use tu?). 

In French, there are verbs to describe the action of referring to someone with ‘tu’ (tutoyer), or ‘vous’ (vouvoyer).

Once someone gives the go-ahead for a more casual tone, you can hop into tu territory.

But remember - it is not as simple as swapping tu for vous. Making the switch also impacts the way certain words are conjugated. 

For example, the common French phrase tu vas bien? (how are you?) uses tu and ça va? (how is it going?) uses ça - technically a neutral pronoun - however both are still quite informal. In a formal context you should say, comment allez-vous? or vous allez bien?

Here is a diagram to help with working out whether to use tu or vous. 

Some vous/tu examples

When talking to members of extended family it can be tricky to know whether to use tu or vous. 

For example, when speaking to in-laws or any members of a friend or partner’s family, you should use vous until invited to switch to tu. 

In a professional setting, whether you use tu or vous depends on the nature of the job and the relationship you have with your colleagues. 

If you get on really well with your colleagues and they are of a similar age to you, it is probably safe to use tu, however you might be expected to use vous with your boss as a sign of respect.

If your job involves contacting or dealing with clients, you should use vous as a sign of formality and professionalism.

When speaking to a teacher in a professional or educational setting, even if the teacher in question was very young, you should generally never use tu - always vous unless otherwise agreed.

When getting off the train or bus, younger generations are likely to use the tu form to ask people around their age to step aside, saying ‘excuse-moi’ rather than ‘excusez-moi’, but they will likely use the vous form when asking older people.

Have you ever struggled with knowing whether to use tu or vous? Tell us about your experience at: feedback@connexionfrance.com