French manners: tu, vous and kisses

Remember, there are two forms of the word ‘you’: the formal vous and the less formal tu.

The form you use depends on the relationship: for someone you do not know well, other than a child, vous is correct; tu being for friends, relatives, children, colleagues (depending on workplace) - and God.

When it comes to tutoiement (using tu), younger French people (in their 20s and 30s) tend to be more relaxed about it. Among older adults it is safest to use vous and let the other person suggest changing if they feel comfortable with doing so. Habits, however, are becoming more relaxed especially, for example, among fellow members of local clubs.

Using the informal address on the wrong occasion can give offence but the French usually make allowances for foreigners’ slip-ups. (In this and many other areas of cultural faux pas).

It can also take longer to get on to first name terms in France than Britain, especially with older genera­tions. People can still be addressed as Monsieur, Madame or Mademoiselle for some time. Gene­rally the older person makes the first move towards informality.

An older single woman is usually addressed as Madame. There is no French equivalent of Ms but a recent law removed the need to specify Madame or Mademoiselle on official forms.

When it comes to la bise, (the practice of kissing each other on the cheek), even the French can get confused over how many as it depends on where you are from. A map produced by a substantial internet survey shows it can vary between one (Brittany) and five (Corsica). See www.tinyurl.com/bise-map

La bise between men also depends on age and location, but to add further complication, on hearing you are British, they may go for a handshake instead. There are no hard and fast rules, be prepared for awkwardness and the occasional accidental headbutt while making friends. It is all taken in good humour.