'I married a parachutist in the French Foreign Legion'

Originally from Amsterdam, Debora de Rooy, 44, was living in London when she met her French husband Gauthier Eynard through friends.

I was working at the Financial Times and travelling a lot when I met Gauthier. We got married in 2016 and moved to Bordeaux because he was a parachutist in the special forces. Our daughter Maya was born the same year.

When Gauthier rejoined the 13th Regiment of the Foreign Legion in 2018, we had to move to Millau, in the Occitanie. He was now to serve as captain, supervising 120 legionnaires in local commune La Cavalerie. 

Moving to France is a huge step. Learning the language, while having kids and assimilating takes time. It was a rollercoaster. In addition to this, my career had ended and I did not know anyone. 

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Just before I gave birth to our son Hugo in 2018, Gauthier was called up for a mission. However, I could not drive and we already had a two-year-old. I decided to call the colonel's wife. 

Gauthier went to a military boarding school as a kid, so he was used to military life. And the officers' wives and families mostly come from very traditional, aristocratic, Catholic military families. 

It was explained to me that Gauthier’s position is not a normal job, but eventually he was allowed to stay home until I gave birth. 

The bond is incredibly strong between officers, and also between officers' wives. It is like a second family. The wives' network runs everything behind the scenes, and I became part of that. 

Families move every two years, and the wives have to find a house, rebuild a network, find doctors, schools and meet the neighbours. But they help each other enormously – delivering food packages when I was ill, for example. 

Things can take a while to get used to. At social events, the women and men usually split into two groups, and the men tend to sing Foreign Legion songs which they learn as part of their training. As soon as the general puts down his cutlery, everyone has to stop eating. No one can leave until the colonel does. 

And then there are the working hours. Legionnaires work as long as the colonel wants them to – really late into the night sometimes. We never had Christmas as a family as the men celebrate Christmas on December 24 and 25 together, without their relatives.

 Families can visit a type of military show and there are drinks, but you do not get proper time together until December 26.

The drinking culture dominates. You cannot turn down a superior officer: if he says “drinks tonight”, his men have to go. Gauthier did not have dinner with us very often. 

He was once carried back drunk in the small hours over the shoulder of a fellow legionnaire, who told me he needed to be back at work by 06:00 am. 

Joining the Foreign Legion can enhance status, but it can also impair your freedom.

 Wherever they come from, for the first five years legionnaires are not allowed to go back to their home country, or see their wives except when they are on leave. 

Their wives, children and nationalities no longer officially exist. Recruits can only buy a car or a house after the first five years. The sacrifice is enormous.

When your husband goes away on a mission, you know more or less where they are, but not the type of mission. 

You know that they might get injured or killed but you cannot think about that. Missions can be two to six months long and, although it is possible to speak on the phone, you cannot see your husband during that time. 

When they come back, they could easily be sent on another mission the next day. They also go on training camps lasting a fortnight.

People often join the Legion to escape poverty or a bad background. For others, it is a dream. 

Some of them want to adopt a new nationality, even choose a new name – they don't want to be found. 

Others join to follow in their father’s footsteps. It is also normal to have huge families in tow, with up to nine children. I know one wife who has triplets, twins and a baby, all under six years – and she is also a working nurse. 

When my father died in 2021 and I hit rock bottom, Gauthier acknowledged that we were making far too many compromises as a family. 

Being bereaved reminds you of how fragile life is, and the Foreign Legion takes over your whole life. He now works as a senior analyst at Airbus and we live just outside Toulouse. We moved here in the summer of 2023 and are finally able to enjoy being a family.

What is the French Foreign Legion?

The French Foreign Legion is an elite military force originally consisting of foreign volunteers in the pay of France but now comprising volunteer soldiers from any nation, including France, for service in France and abroad. 

It was created in 1831 as a temporary solution in a French army that otherwise barred foreigners from serving in its ranks, but quickly gained a reputation as the world’s premier mercenary corps. 

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Today, it boasts approximately 8,000 men (women are barred). You can join between the ages of 17 and 40, from any nationality and under an assumed name. 

Some foreigners enlist in the hope of gaining French citizenship, for which they are eligible after three years’ service.

Although légionnaires may be of any nationality, all officers are French-born or naturalised citizens.