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‘Warm...hellish’: Man’s funny police station review

A Lorraine man who spent the night in custody at a police station in Metz has posted a humorous review of his experience on Google Maps, saying “he cannot wait to go back”

The review, dating from the end of March, was left by a user named Alexandre Chatelat, and reads as a satirical take on a normal hotel review, but for the Hôtel de Police, on Rue Belle-Isle in Metz (Grand Est).

Despite leaving just one in five stars as his rating, Mr Chatelat put a rather positive spin on the rest of his night.

The review reads: “Welcoming and warm personnel, comfortable individual and group complaints about the cleanliness; you could have eaten off the floor...”

The review does hint at the real circumstances, but continues in a comedic tone: “I had a hellish night…[but] the meals were excellent, I have never had such good plastic lasagne.”

Perhaps referring to his arrival at the station in a police car or an Uber, he added: “I also appreciated the shuttle journey in a great vehicle, with a very kind and talkative driver.”

The review ends: “Overall, I strongly recommend this establishment and cannot wait to go back.”

The short comment has now been liked over 1,120 times on Google.

When contacted for a response by local newspaper Le Républicain Lorrain, the police station replied, with equal humour: “We welcome and greatly appreciate [this man’s] satisfaction. But, as good things are often better when they are rare, we advise him to not repeat this experience.”

Most of the other Google reviews of the station are sincere - with some thanking the police for their “bravery and remarkable work”, and others calling them “lazy and irresponsible” “cowboys” - but some other users have left similar “reviews” to Mr Chatelat.

One said the “beds were very soft” with “helpful and very happy staff”, while another said she recommended the station, because although “they only serve chicken”, they do still “offer 24/7 service without prior reservation”.

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