Learning French: mes pensées t'accompagnent and other ways of expressing condolences
Find inspiration for writing sympathy messages
Learn how to express sincere condolences in French
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Reader question: My husband and I have lived in France for over 20 years and speak good French, but we find ourselves at a loss when writing to the family of someone who has died. Condolence cards in France often have a slip of paper inside with suggested phrases and we tend to pick one of these but it's not the message "from the heart" which we would like to send. My husband was going to use the expression "Nous sommes désolés pour votre perte" but I think it is a faux ami, referring to the loss of a possession rather than a person. Can you help?
It can be tricky to find the right words when extending sympathies to mourning loved ones, and even more challenging when doing so in a different language.
Our Connexion reader is correct in suspecting that ‘nous sommes désolés pour votre perte’ (‘we are sorry for your loss’) is a literal translation. A French speaker would understand the sentiment behind this expression, but it is not the most natural way of expressing sincere condolences (je te présente mes plus sincères condoléances).
We look at some French words and phrases that you can use and adapt to support friends and family who have experienced loss.
Read also: Personalised coffins grow in popularity as secular funerals rise in France
Mes pensées vous accompagnent
Literally: my thoughts accompany you.
This phrase is similar to the English ‘my thoughts are with you’ and can be used on its own or as part of a longer sentence, such as:
You can also swap douloureuse with other words surrounding struggle and sadness:
Other related phrases are:
Note that French speakers do not tend to mention the idea of praying for another person, or keeping someone ‘in their prayers’.
Read also: Advice for the newly bereaved in France and English-speaking help
Je suis à vos côtés
Literally: I am by your side.
This expression is a considerate way of showing support and offering assistance.
One example using this phrase in a longer sentence is:
If you are not physically near to the person when sending the message, you can add même de loin (even from afar) to the end of a phrase:
Je suis là pour vous soutenir, vous réconforter et vous tenir compagnie, même de loin - I am here to support you, comfort you, and keep you company, even from far away.
You could also say:
Je partage votre peine/chagrin
Literally: I share your pain/grief.
Using this statement shows that you are saddened by the loss of this person and suggests you are making an effort to imagine the grief being experienced.
You could also say:
Je m’associe à votre douleur et celle de votre famille. - I can understand the grief that you and your family are experiencing.
Votre douleur est partagée par tous ceux qui vous aiment. - Your pain is shared by all those who love you.
Personalising your message
Note that these examples are written in first-person masculine form, using the formal vouvoie, and should be modified appropriately depending on your relationship with the person or family receiving the message.
Including memories and anecdotes within condolence messages adds a personalised touch. These can be introduced by writing:
Even if the content contains errors, the receiver will appreciate the effort taken and empathy of the gesture. It can even be nice to include a few words in English, to help show that your feelings come from the heart.
If you would like us to explain a particular word or expression, or if you have any other Learning French suggestions, let us know at: feedback@connexionfrance.com
