Should we join in with our French neighbours' social activities?
Columnist Cynthia Spillman advises a reader on joining in with friends and neighbours
View engagement as a social experiment in a new environment – you will most certainly meet some new people
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Dear Cynth,
My wife and I are relatively new to France (10 months) so I am making every effort to integrate and make new friends.
A gentleman in our village has kindly invited us along to the clubs he is a member of. They are not at all to our taste – country dancing, a choir, and a rather highbrow literary ‘salon’ once a month – but I really feel I should keep saying yes because he is the only person going out of his way to include us.
My wife, on the other hand, is adamant we would not go near these activities in the UK, so why pretend to like them in France? Am I right in insisting we try them a little longer?
This is such a classic expat dilemma – the tug-of-war between gratitude for inclusion and the discomfort of activities that feel alien to your tastes.
Think of it as relationship-building. The gentleman is being friendly and would like to include you in these activities. You could agree to go and try out these activities a couple of times and then, if they are truly not your cup of tea, you can politely excuse yourselves from future attendance.
When you do attend, try not to practise what I call “contempt prior to investigation”.
Rather, view it as a bit of a social experiment in a new environment.
You will most certainly meet some new people and I firmly believe you only need to click with one person for a new network of social opportunity to be revealed.
Of course, your wife’s point of view is valid. If you keep attending something which drains your energy, it is not helpful.
Your wish for integration does not invalidate who you truly are as a person. Stay authentic to your interests. There is no point in moving to France and being miserable.
I would also invite this gentleman and others whose company you enjoy to an activity or two of your choosing. As hosts it puts you firmly in control.
The wisest action you can take is to expand your local network. Investigate and explore local clubs, organisations and events. The more people you meet, the likelier you are to find something that truly floats your boat.
You do not want to have to rely on one person for your social life. The world is your oyster if you put in the hard work.
