What are the rules about splitting the bill in France?
Columnist Cynthia Spillman offers some advice on the sometimes awkward clash of food and money
As an expatriate it is natural to feel a little befuddled by French food etiquette
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Dear Cynth,
Every time I go out socially with my French friends I have absolutely no idea whether or not it is correct to pay for myself only or to pay for my friends. I get myself into a total tizz over this and make a fool of myself fumbling in my handbag, often going bright red, and generally not having a clue what is correct French etiquette.
It has now reached the point where I am refusing the weekly lunch invitations with my girlfriends. Please could you clear this up? I find it very confusing.
You are not alone in your dilemma. French lunch etiquette is confusing, especially if you are used to clearer rules elsewhere.
In France, the default position is that everyone pays for themselves.
Context matters a great deal. With friends and acquaintances, each person pays their own bill.
It is not generally expected for one person to pay for everyone. However, if you invite somebody to lunch as a birthday treat or similar celebration, generally speaking, you are expected to pay.
If you suggest that you eat together, the nuance there indicates you will split the bill. There is no need to feel awkward – this is routine.
Restaurant behaviour is also important. The waiter will not automatically assume that one person is paying for everybody.
Splitting the bill is seen as polite and independent. Over-generosity can sometimes feel uncomfortable.
However, if you do decide to pay for someone else, this does not create any future obligation to do it again, nor for the other person to pay for you in future.
As an expatriate, it is only natural that you feel somewhat befuddled. It is all part of the steep learning curve that everybody encounters as a newcomer to a foreign country.
What’s the worst that can happen? Mistakes are part of life and real friends will not judge you.
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry? Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
