I hate my new life in France and feel trapped

When I moved to rural France, I thought I was signing up for a dream life; a pretty house, glorious countryside, leisurely lunches and endless glasses of wine in the sunshine. Instead, I spend most of my time driving, shopping for things I can’t find and wondering why everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves.  There are no decent shops, hardly any public transport and absolutely nothing to do after 20:00. I’m lonely, bored and beginning to hate it. What have I done?

You have discovered the great expat secret: rural France is considerably more enjoyable when you are on holiday.

For two weeks, the lack of shops seems charming. The silence is blissful. You photograph the lavender, buy a rustic loaf of bread and congratulate yourself on escaping the rat race.

Then you move in. Suddenly, needing toothpaste becomes a military operation. You drive 25 minutes to buy it, discover the pharmacy is closed for lunch, encounter a market which has closed early because of the heat, and arrive home to find that the internet has stopped working.

And as for that glorious silence? After a while, you may discover that what you previously called “peace and tranquility” sounds suspiciously like absolutely nothing happening. 

Think about what you miss most

The answer is not necessarily to pack up and return home. First, ask yourself what you actually miss.

Is it shops and cafés? Other people? Culture? Public transport? Spontaneity? The ability to leave the house without consulting Google Maps?

If it is company, do not sit at home waiting for the French to adopt you. Join something: a walking group, French class, choir, theatre group, yoga class, volunteering organisation or village association.

And speak French, however embarrassing you find it.  Nothing breaks the ice quite like speaking the language together.

You might discover that you don’t hate France. You simply hate where you live in France.  There is a vast difference between living in a hamlet where the main social event is watching the postman arrive, and living in a lively small town where you can walk into a café, meet friends and buy a newspaper without planning the expedition three days in advance.

Don’t give up 

Do not fall into the trap of thinking you have to remain somewhere because you once announced to everyone that moving to France was your dream. Dreams are allowed to have amendments. Give yourself a proper trial period. Make friends, explore other areas and try living somewhere more urban for a while if you can.

You may discover that what you really wanted was not rural France, but French life with a few more signs of civilisation.

And if you still hate it? Move. You have not failed. You have simply conducted an extremely expensive piece of research. The French countryside is wonderful. Just make sure you can still get a coffee when you need one.