Dealing with a difficult – or even abusive – French landlord

Years ago, when I was living alone with my daughter in Cambridge, England, we suffered horribly at the hands of a highly abusive landlord. 

We had no choice but to remain in that freezing, mouse-infested house for seven years. 

The effect of his constant haranguing, showing up at the door at 8:00 demanding to dump his furniture in our home, and blocking us in with his car so there was no escape, was enormous stress and upset.

I was particularly vulnerable in those days. My son had recently died and my daughter was enduring major plastic surgery multiple times a year. I was also flat broke, receiving no support from my ex-husband. Life was extremely grim. 

Emotional aspects of renting

Thankfully, those days are behind me. However, I recently found myself advising some friends in France on how to deal with the emotional aspects of the abuse they are being subjected to by their landlord. 

We all know that the law is there to supposedly protect us, but what happens when you are new to a foreign country and your rented accommodation turns into a nightmare?

For tenants who are not fluent in French, or au fait with the French rental system, daily existence can feel draining. 

One’s basic sense of safety is undermined and many end up living in a state of hypervigilance – listening for footsteps, dreading messages, or feeling on edge whenever the phone rings. 

Our friends are living in a freezing-cold house and paying exorbitant rent for a property which is substandard in every way. They have tried to reason with the landlord who, alas, lives next door. 

They have been met with abuse and, now, a total refusal to engage in any way. 

The effect on them is devastating. They hoped they could spend a year looking at leisure for the house of their dreams. Instead, they live in a state of constant anxiety, exacerbated by a close family bereavement.

‘A constant cortisol shower’

Most of us have experienced that hideous feeling of being so emotionally wired you cannot settle to do anything. 

I refer to it as a ‘cortisol shower’ for the very reason that adrenaline, the other stress hormone, is constantly coursing through your veins, causing chronic anxiety and sleep disturbance. 

Even when the landlord is absent, it can be difficult to relax. You feel that your personal space is no longer yours.

In France, landlords often appear to hold disproportionate power, especially when housing is scarce. 

And they are not above ‘trying it on’ with foreigners who are not familiar with French law. 

For the tenant, this can feel terrifying. The abusive landlord may exploit the situation by implying that the tenant is easily replaceable, or by deliberately misrepresenting the tenant’s rights. 

Many tenants simply put up with abusive behaviour, mistakenly worrying that they have misunderstood cultural norms or contractual nuances.

This leads to feelings of shame, so they often don’t reach out for help. 

Worst of all, they may minimise the seriousness of the abuse. 

When conflicts occur in a second language, emotional stress is amplified. Aggressive emails, legal terminology or confrontational conversations in French can feel particularly threatening, even if the content would be manageable in your native language. 

You may feel infantilised or intellectually diminished. You are isolated from your family and usual social networks. 

You could end up believing you have made a hideous mistake, pack your bags and head back to your native country, despite the many implications. 

Tips for coping with an abusive landlord

• Your feelings are valid and you are not going crazy.
• You need to compartmentalise each issue – you cannot resolve everything at once.
• Keep a private record of any incident of unreasonable behaviour and abuse.
• Reconnect with supportive relationships outside of this housing issue.
• Seek tenant-focused support services and engage the assistance of a notaire or avocat if necessary.
• Reclaim emotional control by taking action – you do not have to remain there; other accommodation options exist. You are not a failure if you leave.

Have you experienced a bad landlord in France? If so, please share your experience at letters@connexionfrance.com